Nobody wants a marriage to end in divorce, but statistically we can expect some will.
I have often said, I had the best divorce one could ask for. People around me agreed, from our counselor to our friends, I had one of the most amicable and even merciful divorces they had ever seem.
This did not happen by coincidence, we set the right foundation for our marriage. This ensured that should Allah decree the marriage to end, it would end graciously.
How do you do that?
—Pre-marital counseling. We asked and answered all of the questions. Leave no stone unturned and make no assumptions.
—Financial parameters. What was mine was mine. It was always separate, even when I contributed to household expenses.
—Rules of engagement. When we argued, we refrained from name calling or yelling. We respected each other.
—Disagree in private but never in public. Guard each other’s honor.
—Contingency plans. Agreeing when things are good on how we would be if things were not so good. This meant we knew at the onset, what we would do, who we would talk to, and what efforts we would make.
—Center your relationship with Allah. That will keep you accountable in the most exceptional ways. It will ensure everything you do aligns to a greater purpose.
(Abuse or infidelity would have most certainly made many of these things far more challenging. Alhamdulillah for not being tested in those ways.)
I know we cannot control everything and that there is no one size fits all. Still, we balance optimism and pragmatism, and make our best efforts.